Today, most people are born because of instinct. By this I mean that parents make love motivated by their instincts, and the child enters its future body at conception through its instinctive attractions. (This could be otherwise, but that is not the subject.) It also follows that the consciousness of the partners and the quality of the lovemaking determines the tendencies and qualities of the child who will be attracted to the parents and the actual situation. 

Of course, materialists will deny all this, but denying the facts will get us nowhere. That the future characteristics of a child will be determined by a random combination of genes is merely a deflection of the responsibility that every parent bear for bringing a being into existence. The "random" combination of genes is controlled. Anyone who does not accept this as a work-hypothesis is probably already at this moment scrolling on irritably, and my further exposition will not disturb his/her unconscious existence. 

The unborn child is therefore present at conception, during lovemaking, during pregnancy, and usually enters the couple's life before they think about having children. Of course, we need not think that this is a conscious presence. The child is present as an information field. It brings its own information field from its previous lives and seeks parents whose information field it can match its own with. The information field carries past experiences and the tasks to be experienced in the next life. He/she is therefore looking for parents who will provide him/her with all the experiences he/she needs. 

The quality of the lovemaking that takes place at conception and afterwards is burned into the child's information field. This process continues after birth. An infant instinctively senses when his/her parents are making love and reacts with an emotional response. This emotional response includes his/her own attitude towards both parents and the mother's attitude towards the lovemaking. So, if lovemaking is regularly interrupted by the baby's crying, that is something to think about. When my children were born, I was unaware of what is described here, but I observed them and their reactions with the same precision and accuracy that I have always used in my scientific experiments. My son was only some months old and could lift his head a little. He was lying in a cot with a lattice next to our bed and was fast asleep. For safety, I hung a small curtain on his bed on the side facing our bed so he wouldn't see out if he did wake up. Suddenly I noticed that he was breathing differently. He squirmed until he pulled the curtain aside and peeked out to see what his parents were doing. Of course, we had a good laugh, I gave him a kiss and waited for him to fall asleep. It is very important to see lovemaking as a natural part of life, but not without intimacy. Making love is a private matter between two people, it is not the child's business, and the child has to get used to the fact that his/her mother does not always share herself with him/her. The more natural the parental attitude, the less repression can develop about sex. The way we parents, approach sex is the way he/she will approach it. This is the primary experience or pattern. He/she will build himself/herself from that. 

The child's further sexual experience is when he/she is exploring his/her own body as soon as he/she is out of the nappy. Young children regularly masturbate, which of course only we consider to be masturbation, as we have our own preconceptions. They are simply happy to stroke their genitals in the presence of others, just as animals are not embarrassed when we watch them. It's best to leave them to do it. And when they are of preschool age, it's a good idea to say that we don't used to fondle ourself in the presence of others. So, they memorize that excretions and masturbation are intimate. I would add that this is an absolute culture-dependent factor. Parents have to integrate their children into the culture of the age and place. It is certainly much better that the child hears from the mother he/she should not touch in his/her panties in public than a kindergarten teacher, other parent or child make an inappropriate comment that he/she misunderstands and stores up with guilt. Later, we can reinforce their intimacy by introducing a knock on their door. This lets them know that it's appropriate for them to knock before barging into the toilet, bathroom or parents' bedroom. The child has as much right to intimacy as the parent. They need a place where they can be alone, where they can let themselves go, where they can hide, where they don't have to conform to anything, that belongs to them. If there is none, or if it cannot be created, then the development of the personality is disturbed from the very beginning. If you don't have enough space, at least use a curtain to separate the child's place, so that he/she can use it when he/she feels the necessity of it. 

The more natural the parent's handling of the child's emerging sexual activity, the more direct the relationship between them, the influence of friends and the media can have the less negative effect. The impact of the media is usually bipolar. Friends and the media, at the latest during adolescence, bring into the young person's life all kinds of repression and all kinds of release of it. In this dumping of information, he/she has to find his/her way and develop his/her own attitude to sexuality. A good parental role model is a sure support. This does not mean that he/she must necessarily follow it, but this will be the point of reference compared to or against which he/she acts. Neither too lax nor too strict sexual pattern is appropriate. The text "But in my time..." is already met with resistance and is totally ineffective. He/she is not in the place of others at the time, and it is not for others duty to decide for him/her what is right. It is best to simply state your opinion, e.g. "I wouldn't do it that way because..." The reasoning should always include that happy sexuality requires the mutual will of two people, on a higher level mutual respect and appreciation, and mutual love on an even higher level. In other words, there should be fixed the degrees that exist anyway between human and human, so that he/she can decide what level he/she wants to live his/her human relations in the field of sexuality. 

What I have outlined so far is not the ideal, but the feasible way to raise children. Mostly, however, we are here because we have failed to live life well, which means we have made mistakes. And we repeat the mistakes, i.e. we make mistakes in child-rearing, sexuality, partnership, etc. All this happens so that we can recognise and learn from it. So, if we realise we have made a mistake, we should not be ashamed to admit it, even in front of the child. He/she will understand and accept it, as for us so later for himself/herself. If we teach him/her that it is possible to make a mistake and that it is not a shame to admit it, because only then can we correct it, we will reduce the compliance, which is one of the most common causes of frustration in adults. The main cause of our frustration is that we want to appear perfect when we know we are not and we fear the judgement of others. 

This frustration also manifests itself in sexuality. The parent, in trying to maintain the appearance of perfection and omnipotence, frustrates the child, and this is further reinforced by the effects of the media. What do he/she see in the movies? The two extremes. Violence, pornography, a relationship that is empty, or perfect love, lovemaking, relationship. And life falls in between. The role of movies is to extract life events and magnify their significance with a purpose (whether that purpose is noble or not). The filmmakers (the entire crew) incorporate an instinctive, unprocessed, unconscious part of their own personality into the plot, and then confront it in the form of the finished film. His/her film is what he/she is, even if he/she only plays a supporting role. Thus, the film is created by each of them about themselves and for themselves. All of this is very cleverly sold to the ignorant masses for money, so that they even pay to have the unconscious of the creators revealed under the heading of art or entertainment. Of course, only those who resonate at that level and cannot otherwise confront their own subconscious can be led in this way. We can see in the films that are currently on the screen, what the subconscious of the man of our time is like. 

So, the media is sexually frustrating the man of our time. The false sexual model is presented as if it is to be followed and universally accepted, and the idealised model is presented as if it is normal, natural and can be fulfilled by anyone. This is the distorting effect of the media, it is a distorted mirror effect. It is caused by the self-serving competition for money. This is how they draw attention to themselves. If the media were not distorted, no one would pay attention to them, and then what would they do for a living? 

Everyone is born to move forward from where they are. Everything serves this purpose. Parents to child, and vice versa, the director with the actors playing a particular role for the world, from which everyone should know themselves. Those who can do so will move forward, for the others the story will be repeated in a different cast. For those who have recognised the essence of role-playing, the game is over. "The whole world is theatre." (Shakespeare).

Margaret Rhasoda-Varga
UCCM head-master
(The art of living life II. excerpt)