- Karmic connections from the previous life

Those who ken the truth know that we are not born with zero information. We have had previous lives from which we bring with us our unresolved relationships, our unresolved tasks. We will meet again with the people to whom our attachments connect us. These may be parents, children, partners. The essence of attachment is that we have not given something to them or forgiven them for something, so we are again given the opportunity to tie up these loose ends. In a next life, there is often a role reversal between people who are chained together so that we can recognize the effects of our actions from the other side. If, for example, we wanted to possess our partner and he/she leaved the relationship but we could not forgive, we now change the role-playing with the partner. Always that person leaves the game who has recognized the essence of the role play, solved the problem and goes away from the team with pure love. He/she can move on to solve other tasks with other actors. The missing links will be filled by people who need an experience similar to the one we can give them. In this sense, there is no random occurence, blaming the other makes no sense, because in our lives we assign the role to the other party, he/she will always respond to our information field.
 

- Parental patterns

We are choosing parents who will upload the right partnership pattern for us. This happens instinctively. Parents' partnering patterns match a particular age, a particular culture, and their level of personality development. This is essential for us. Imagine how much trouble we would be in if we were to incarnate in Europe after, say, two hundred years in India. Not only age, but also culture has a major influence on the male-female relationship, and if parents did not help us with their own example, we would be in for some very embarrassing surprises, and would most probably be unable to fit in. So, the parental model is essential, but it is not perfect. We should see it as a starting point that we have to develop further. However, if we look at how the partnership of successive generations develops, we can see that in some ages or cultures it almost stands still, that is, it hardly evolves or varies. In other ages, when a paradigm shift takes place, it changes often leaps and bounds. The partnership pattern must always fit the age and culture, and the individual. Often, a person tries to introduce a new pattern of partnership into a culture, which he/she has acquired elsewhere in a previous life, and does not immediately succeed. Every community has to fight its own little battles for progress. Such examples are often encountered today, for example, when people in an Islamic community try to live in a Christian-style partnership pattern. I am not taking a position in favour of any of them, because they are all wrong as they are (as we will see later), simply that people react with rejection to otherness that is not yet embedded in the culture. 

For the woman and the man, there will be given a female pattern of the emotional attitude of his/her mother, and a male pattern of the emotional attitude of his/her father from his/her parents' partnership. In other words, emotional information is fixed in the child's astral body as a program that can only be overwritten by consciousness. Even if the growing generation protests against the patterns of parental partnering, this protest will do little to change the situation, because it will not affect the instinctual level, or it will go to the opposite extreme, which is also not a solution. For example, if the father was an oppressive person, to counteract this, the female may choose a male as a partner, who can be suppressed, but she will not be happier because she has not understood the essence. Whether someone is oppressing or being oppressed, the point is that there is no freedom in the relationship. So, if the daughter grew up seeing her father oppressing her mother, she will either choose the same type of husband (involuntarily) or the opposite, who she can oppress. The son may react in a similar way. If his father has oppressed his mother, he will either repeat the same and choose a woman of the same type, or he tries to do the opposite, and he will stand on his heels under no circumstances until he will be suppressed finally. The conscious solution to parental oppression is to learn to give freedom, not to try the opposite extreme. As long as there is no understanding of the reality of the situation, there will be a swing between the two extremes.
 

- The role of the internal ideal-image

The introductory anecdote highlights one of the fundamental problems in developing a partnership. Human beings have an ideal-image of the opposite sex partner, and they want to find this inner image in their lifes. However, usually it is in vain. Why? Because this inner image is actually he/she himself/herself in the form of the opposite sex. I will explain this in a little more detail. In everyone, there is the animus (male ideal) and the anima (female ideal). If one is born as a woman, one is a partial embodiment of one's own anima. It would be her task to mould her personality towards her inner ideals. If he is a man, he is a partial embodiment of his own animus, and he should rise to it. In the realm of relativities (the material, dual world), however, both male and female personalities can only be fulfilled in relation to a personality of the opposite sex. A woman can be a woman in relation to a man and vice versa. The reference point - the opposite sex ideal-image - is given internally, but because it is not recognised or even known, they seek the opposite sex reference point in the external world. But it is not found in the external world, because it is actually inside. A woman is therefore looking for the man she would be if she had been born as a man and her development had already reached the male ideals. It is the same in reverse. Now perhaps it is understandable why the search is doomed to failure in most cases. 

Of course, the inner male ideal of a particular woman exists in the material world as well, it's called the dual soul. A dual couple is difficult to identify because at the beginning of spiritual development there is no overlap between the dual souls, as they have exactly complementary personality traits. If they meet, because they have no common ground, they would pass each other by, or even label each other as insufferable. As they evolve from life to life towards inner ideals, they transfer more and more information to each other, and the time will come when they will be able to accept each other and live in unity. This happens when they are both very close to their own anima or animus. Even then, the meeting is not necessary, since both know that the ideal-pattern of the other sex is within them, i.e. the facing becomes irrelevant in the external world. 

Many people think that they have found this complementary person, and often see this as proof of their own development. (I know someone who found it every two years or so, and then was disappointed in all of them...) In fact, a relationship can feel perfect even if we don't live with the dual-soul. This depends on how tight the karmic bond is that binds us together; how much we cling to our illusions, under the influence of a "pink mist" that makes us unwilling to see that we are merely imagining the desired character traits on our partner; and also depends on how much we are able to accept the other's otherness as the most natural thing in the world. 

It is also customary to mention twin souls, if the two personalities can be matched one to one, but they can also be of different genders. It is not necessary for them to rebirth at the same time, so the relationship is rare between them. The rebirth of twin souls is most common in the case of identical twins. 

More than 99% of the time, people are in a relationship with someone who is a particular mix of twin- and dual soul, who were chosen just right for the life they are living. Half part identity is needed to find the common wavelength, and half part difference is needed to learn to accept each other and develop. Since the twin soul is exactly the same, they will not be a mirror for each other to evolve. The more differences dominate between two individuals, the more powerful mirrors they are to each other, so their development can be greatly accelerated if they can stay together. 

The biggest mistake that can be made in a partnership is when someone believes that perfect coexistence can only be realized with the ideal. So, one can search endlessly for the ideal and ends up do not realise anything. The ideal relationship depends on our own perfection, in this sense it depends only on us and no one else. This does not mean that we are obliged to stay with anyone, because if he/she does not develop in the direction we intend, we have to let it go and another one will come. It is up to us to determine our own direction of development, and so that we can attract the partner for that direction.

Margaret Rhasoda-Varga
UCCM head-master
(The art of living life II. excerpt)