I have an old "disciple"... I have summarized the lessons of his story. How can I call him when he considers me his master but he has never followed any of my instructions? Anyway, he thinks of me only when he gets into money trouble. As it is now. Interesting thing is this masterhood... Some "disciples" expects financial help from me, others, who are "healers", turn to me for health and when they are in trouble, for guidance. And when I tell them to follow my life way and come to learn to me, they say: we follow the great masters and learn from them! Where are, now, the great masters who claim to be divine (demigod) incarnations? None of them can even fight the crown virus...   

But let us return to the "disciple". The disciple has been an alcoholic, drug addict, smoker, depressive and heart patient for twenty years. One of the first who was thrown out of public employment. For months he has had no income, no heating, no hot water, no money to make phone calls. The doctor's office is closed and he can't even get his medicine, anyway he has no money to pay for it. I received a 16-page hand-writing letter from him describing his situation. Me, who hasn't seen him for 15 years. Apparently, I am the last straw he has grasped; everyone has sent him away, he is hoping in me. What can I do? I can't send enough money anyway. The last time I sent money and food vouchers, I made him promise to use the money to buy pots and pans he could cook in, because it was much cheaper, and he even got food recipes. Of course, he spent the money on drinks. I decided to stop supporting him. He is still better off than many people in Hungary because he has a home to live and gets one meal a day in the free-kitchen. 

A week later I received a 36-page letter, an even more detailed report, and that's where the story starts. With no money for booze, drugs or medication, he started to go through withdrawal from all of these at the same time. This means, in practice, that he has been suffering from waking hallucinations for weeks. He sees people who are not there, talking to him, examining him, bullying him, trying to kill him or, on the contrary, trying to save him, all the while he is tormented by self-blame and fears he is going mad. 

This is a journey into a previously repressed dimension of the subconscious, already opened up by alcohol and drugs and he had to drink again and again to avoid having to face it. The same thing happens after death, a journey into the psychedelic world (bardo), but now he is experiencing it in his lifetime. His hallucinations are a peculiar montage of the thrillers and fantasies he has seen, in places even familiar scenes are recognizable. Two things follow from this: on the one hand, we can see the extent to which the subconscious is poisoned by these films, and on the other, the filmmakers may have been confronted with the filmed scenes in a delirious state. Our "student" is looking for a way out of hallucinations. He thinks about music... He has collected a lot of good music (Freddy Mercury, Michael Jackson...). He is shocked to find that it puts him in an even worse state. No matter how "good" the music is, if he has resonance with the composers' state of consciousness, who had the same problems as he has. He is desperately searching for an angelic meditation music. He had it, he just erased it, he needed the space for someone else. And then he finds it on a tape, and he has yet an equipment to play it on. He finds solace in it. The writing is a good idea too. It brings him into a higher state of consciousness because he has to concentrate on forming the letters and formulating the thoughts, it brings him out of the subconscious. That's how the weeks pass. Meanwhile, he had two (near) heart attacks, without medical care, who could know about it (or who did care)? 

The letter is quite consistent, despite the hallucinations. It can be sensed that he at least occasionally views them, he knows they are not real, he is not completely immersed in them. He thanks for my writings, which he has read, which I have made available to him free. He thanks me and I know, that I teach the way to higher consciousness for this reason. 

What has this man gained from all these experiences? He is free of the fears he had been taking medicine for. He has got rid of his addiction to alcohol and drugs, and even the heart medicine has become unnecessary. If he hasn't taken it for two months and survived, why should he? This could be the start of a new life for him. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he succeeds! This is what I can support. 

"This, monks, is the noble truth of suffering: to be born is suffering, to be old is suffering, to be sick is suffering, to die is suffering, to be with not-loved is suffering, to be separated from loved is suffering, do not reach our wishes is suffering, ─ in other words, the five elements of personality that cause the attachment to existence are suffering..." "This, monks, is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: the cause of suffering is thirst, which leads from one rebirth to another and, coupled with joy and desire, finds pleasure in this and that, ─ the thirst of delight, the thirst of origination, the thirst of passing away." (Gautama Siddhartha Buddha)

Margaret Rhasoda Varga
UCCM head-master
2021. Budapest, Hungary